HOW TO DEAL WITH GUILT AS A NEW MOM
There are some things moms should never feel guilty about. Being a mom is a very hard task and sometimes we don’t always get it right.
Often we make a lot of mistakes along the way but you should never have mommy guilt.
Society is forever telling us what we should or should not be doing.
We are made to feel guilty for being a stay at home mom, for being a working mom, for bottle feeding and not breastfeeding, for homeschooling and not sending our children to school and whatever else is the latest whim.
It is impossible to keep up with all these standards. So sometimes you just have to throw in the towel and live guilt free.
What do I mean by live guilt free? It basically means live your best life as a mother.
Do what works for you and your baby and fits into your lifestyle.
There really is no point in trying to work out how to deal with guilt just because of other people.
10 THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT AS A A MOM
1. WANTING TO HOLD YOUR BABY ALL THE TIME
Have no shame here at all! It’s your baby, you carried them for 9 months, you felt all the kicks, all the hiccups and fell in love.
Don’t feel guilty for wanting to hold your little mini-you in your arms for just a bit longer. They’ll be 18 before you know it!
One of the silliest things I have heard anyone say is “Oh you know you will spoil your child if you hold them all the time?” Ermm ok?
To be completely honest I’m not really ready at this point in my Postpartum journey to let go of my baby just yet.
We have an emotional connection and I love that. Am I being selfish? Perhaps I am a little but so what?
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2. NOT WANTING VISITORS
Never feel guilty for not wanting to have visitors over. When you have a newborn on your hands sometimes the last thing you want to do is see anyone especially during the Fourth Trimester period.
Granted that some visitors will come and know when it is time to leave but believe me there are the odd few that just don’t know when their time is up.
You can send out all the right kinds of signals but they still won’t get it.
For this very reason, I am giving you a free pass to feeling guilt free about not wanting to have visitors over. Does that make you a bad mom? Hardly!
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3. STAYING IN YOUR PJ’S ALL DAY
I have days where I want to stay in PJ’s all day long and my youngest son is 1 year old now.
Mothers work really hard so I don’t think it’s inexcusable to allow yourself to spend the day in bed alongside your child every now and again.
4. THE LOOK OF YOUR POSTPARTUM BODY
Your postpartum body should not leave you feeling bad all the time. We can’t all remain in our 20-year-old tight fitting body forever.
You perhaps just had a baby come into your life who has been stretching your body for the last 9 months.
It’s only fair that you cut yourself some slack.
Some people are fortunate in that their bodies snap back very easily.
I have stretch marks all over my stomach and parts of my legs.
But do you know what? It doesn’t overly bother me because it is a part of my story.
When my children ask me what it is, I tell them. I tell them that it means that I am a mommy and sometimes it happens to people.
Some people can’t have children and would gladly swap your stretch marks for a baby of their own (that puts things into perspective doesn’t it?)
I look at my stretch marks as my pregnancy war wounds. They are my badge of honor.
Yes, they are not always the most flattering thing to look at but, honestly does it really matter that much? It doesn’t make you any less beautiful.
5. GETTING A TAKE AWAY INSTEAD OF COOKING
Never feel guilty for getting a take away instead of cooking a meal at home.
Home cooked foods are great but so is the occasional take away too.
I’ve come across people who turn their noses up and that’s ok if a take away is not for you.
But for those of us that just can not manage to do everything all the time, please don’t judge us. We are doing our best.
6. LEAVING THE HOUSE IN A BIT OF A MESS
Personally speaking, when it comes to mess in the house, I can cope with that to an extent.
Well as long as there is no lego on the floor. Hands up who hates lego on the floor?
I can guarantee you if there is lego on the floor my feet will find it! I have a love-hate relationship with lego.
If your house has to be a bit of a mess so you can get some time to sleep or rest, so be it.
You can always clean up later when the time is better suited.
To be fair the only people that are likely to judge you will be those that don’t have any experience with children.
Having a messy house is even more true in those first few days at home with a newborn baby.
Newborns are so precious and the time goes by so quickly. I think the housework can safely wait.
My son is 1 and I allow for a bit of a mess especially if we are having some really good bonding time.
Being messy is just a part of the learning process of toddlers.
Even my older children make a mess but at a certain point in the day, it becomes tidy up time for them. I’m ok living this way.
You won’t remember a clean house in years to come but you will remember the lovely memories that you and your baby shared.
So don’t let anyone mom guilt you into feeling like a bad mom.
7. NOT TAKING SOMEONE ELSE’S ADVICE ON HOW TO RAISE YOUR CHILD
I think it’s safe to say that we have all had this problem somewhere along the line.
People are usually well-meaning but sometimes they can really come out with some wacko stuff that makes you do a double take.
It’s fine if it’s their opinion but definitely, don’t feel guilty about not wanting to take their advice.
You can ask 100 people 1 question and get 100 different answers.
There is no right or wrong way when it comes to motherhood so just do your best and never let anyone make you feel bad for not seeing things exactly their way.
8. FEEDING YOUR BABY ON DEMAND
I love breastfeeding my baby and I do it anywhere at any time. I’ve done it in the supermarket, in church, in the car and anywhere else where my baby is hungry.
If you prefer to allow your baby to have a feeding schedule and you feel that is right then go for it.
If you want to give your baby a mix of bottle and breast milk. Go for it!
Do what works for you and your baby.
I’ve had people tell me that I am over-feeding my child and that I am spoiling them.
My child is not overweight. He latches on to the breast for comfort sometimes and that’s ok with me.
I am a serial feed on demand type of mother and I really am un-phased if some people don’t like it.
I am happy and my baby is happy. Making someone feel bad for feeding on demand is not ok.
9. FEELING GLAD THAT YOUR BABY IS FINALLY ASLEEP
We all love our children very much but there are times (admit it!) that we just can’t wait for them to go to sleep.
Right now all my children are asleep, the house is peacefully quiet and I am able to write this in complete and utter peace for a few hours before I go to bed myself.
Every mom needs a little break and sometimes that break comes in the form of nap time for the children.
Don’t feel bad for wanting your child to sleep. We all need a break sometimes.
10. KISSING YOUR BABY ALL THE TIME
Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss! I just can’t help it. There is something about baby’s especially newborns that make you drawn into kissing them.
I kiss my child so much, sometimes he even pushes me away laughing but he’s my child so I keep on doing it without the feeling of guilt.
A kiss is a beautiful way of saying I love you that a baby can understand.
11. USING THE TV AS A BABYSITTER
I know many parents who do this and I am definitely one of them.
The TV is not always the best thing to use but it is a great distraction for those moments when you really need to get something done.
This is just another thing that a mom should not have to feel guilty about.
Does using the TV as a babysitter make you a terrible mom? No, it makes you resourceful.
When I put the TV on for my children it’s because I need to get something done in peace.
They by no means at all watch TV all day long but it definitely serves its purpose from time to time.
FINAL THOUGHTS ON DEALING WITH GUILT AS A NEW MOM
How to deal with guilt as a new mom? Every mom experiences this and it is up to you to not all it to affect the way you do things. Sometimes as moms are ways have to be unconventional in order to work for us.
As long as you are not deliberately doing anything to harm your child then you are not a bad mom and deserve to live guilt free.
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